My Encounter with UPS Live Chat

You may have asked yourself recently, “What Can Brown Do For You?” Well, the answer to that question would be: Not a whole lot, but from a really cool little chat window on your computer…

Here is the transcript from a half hour of my life I can never get back:

Initial Question: How soon can this be redelivered? or can I meet the driver somewhere along his/her route? It is a very important package..

 Cel R.: Hi, this is Cel R.. I’ll be happy to assist you.
 Cel R.: Just a moment while I look into that for you.
 Joey: ok thanks
 Cel R.: Our records show were unable to deliver your package today, 10/25/2013 because business was closed. However , if you need your package today,we can process a hold for pickup.
 Joey: when would that be available?
 Cel R.: Your package may be unavailable until later this afternoon or evening when your driver has completed all of their deliveries and pickups for the day.
 Joey: how can I get it sooner? can I meet the driver on their route?
 Cel R.: Unfortunately, drivers are not allowed to do business on the road for security reasons.
 Joey: ok, is there any way the driver can stop by if they are still in the area?
 Cel R.: We make one delivery attempt per day for three consecutive business days. If
 Joey: well, our morning and afternoon driver is usually the same person, if it is him today, can her deliver it when he comes to do our pick-up in the afternoon?
 Cel R.: I need to forward your information to the local package center for resolution. May I have your last name and phone number please?
 Joey: ready
 Cel R.: Thanks.  It will take me just a few minutes to put this through.  I will be right with you.

 Cel R.: May I have the business name?
 Joey: Vanessa Mooney
 Cel R.: Thanks. Just to verify,your address is:

Is that correct?
 Joey: yes
 Cel R.: Thanks. One moment please.
 Cel R.: I appreciate your patience. I have forwarded your information to the appropriate package center for further assistance. You can expect a call today within an hour.  Do you have any other questions?

 Joey: yes, can I have the drivers name that attempted deliver this morning?
 Cel R.: I am sorry, we do not have that information available in our system.
 Joey: can you call the dispatcher and find out?
 Cel R.: Unfortunately, we are unable to call the local center.
 Joey: can you call the regional center and have them call the local center
 Cel R.: I am sorry, we do not have any means of doing an outgoing call.
 Joey: ok, i drove around and found the driver and he gave me the package
 Joey: i had to cut him off and block his truck in
 Joey: it was like a scene out of a movie
 Cel R.: Is there anything else I can help you with?
 Joey: i pulled him out of his truck and threw him up against the wall and said “If you don’t give me that package I’m gonna talk Cel R.’s ear off all day!!”
 Joey: just kidding… they redelivered the package while we were busy chatting up a storm…
 Cel R.: That’s great.
 Joey: yeah, you should really work on getting a phone in your office so you can call people to better resolve issues like mine
 Joey: this whole experience was literally of ZERO help, and a complete waste of both of our time
 Joey: all you told me was “we cant do that” and “i cant help you”
 Joey: you should talk to you supervisors and demand that they give you some kind of authority to actually HELP the customers that are contacting you
 Cel R.: I am sorry, we are in a live chat, you may contact us at 1-800-PICK-UPS (1-800-742-5877) if you wish to speak with our Customer Service. In our end, we communicate all requests electronically.
 Joey: either that or advise them to shut down this whole pathetic excuse for a “live chat” dept you are offering on your website
 Joey: heck, if you give them the idea to shut down this dept that doesn’t really do anything and would probably save the company many hundreds of thousands of dollars ever our you’d probably get a sweet promotion to some corner office in upper management somewhere
 Cel R.: I believe we
 Cel R.: I believe we’re all set now. Do you have any other questions before we conclude our chat?
 Joey: I’d like to wish you good luck in your journey to the top!
 Cel R.: Thanks for contacting us. Enjoy your day.
 Cel R. has disconnected.


She disconnected just as I was going to tell her not to forget us little people out here when she’s Some upper level V.P. over there at UPS.


Come on UPS, get it together…

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How To Impress People with an ATM Reciept

Search for loose ATM receipts on the floor or in the trash can near the ATM machine, until you find one with a large balance. Keep it in plain view of the passenger seat of your car. That way, when you pick up that floozy from the club on your first date she can’t help but notice WHAT A BALLER YOU ARE!! Seriously stud, Where’d you get all that money? You’re definitely getting some tonight, you can thank me later…

Baller ATM Reciept

Baller ATM Reciept

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I Need New Shoes!

I’m Kind of a weirdo when is comes to shoes.  At any given time I generally have 1 pair of shoes that could be considered “presentable”,  and I’m thinkin about changing that…  Here’s a few shoes I think I might get in the near future…

1. Sperry Top Siders

2. Suede Clarks Wallabes

3. Some good Winter Boots (Found on Etsy)

4. Minnetonka Mocassins

5. Exustar Triathlon Cycling Shoes

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Why didn’t I think of that? (Parking)

Ever see a patch of grass next to a drive way? I guess you can just park on those…

How To Impress People At The Gym

Here’s a move I’ve dubbed the “Capetown Pin-Down”.

What you’ll need:

-Gym membership(a gym with a wide open floor plan works best for me)
-Workout machine with cables(where the weights are stacked with a pin to determine how much weight you’ll be lifting)
-People to impress(I prefer totally babelicious babes, but you can use dudes too if that’s what you’re into)

Step 1: Use a machine in a high traffic area that is in high demand… Use a weight that is somewhat easy for you to lift. All you have to do is stay on the machine until someone is clearly waiting around for you to move to another machine.

Step 2: After you do a few sets with them waiting, get up and start wiping down the seat of any sweat you left behind. When they aren’t looking, all you have to do is move the pin down 2 or 3 spots.


Result: The totally babelicious babe will sit down at the machine and see how far down the pin is in the weights! These girls usually end up following me around from machine to machine for the next hour or so just to see how totally buff I am.


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How To Save Money On Your Power Bill

I love to save money as much as the next guy.  So I’ve. Decided to share with you one of my most effective methods for saving money on my electricity bill.  Its actually really simple, and can be executed in a number of ways, but I will use my most common application as an example.  All I do is run an extension cord under my front door and into the hallway. 


The trick to not getting caught is to do it as little as possible.  I only use this method to power my appliances that use the most power, (space heater, Stand-Alone AC, and my electric dryer). Now go forth and save!


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Now THATS art!

Cool drawing right?


Lets take a closer look…


Yep! That just happened!

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